


The Universe is a Snek

by JudeAraya



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, M/M, Musings on the Nature of Love, Soulmarks, as in every detail is stuff we know from their lives, blink and you miss it smuff, but you know, if ya know what I mean, so this is canon au, soul mates, soulmarks make things a little au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:13:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21928003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudeAraya/pseuds/JudeAraya
Summary: Dan whispered. “I didn’t believe it was real.”Phil said, “I can’t believe it took so long.”According to scientists, sometime at the turn of the century the appearance of soulmarks began to wane. By the time Dan turned eighteen they were downright rare.As in, so rare Dan secretly thought they were bullshit.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 40
Kudos: 138
Collections: Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange 2019





	The Universe is a Snek

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Terpia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Terpia/gifts).



> Written for the Phandom Fic Fest Holiday Exchange. I inherited the very generously open prompt of author's choice AU. I hope it's as sweet as you wanted! 
> 
> Many thanks to Santa's two little beta helpers, [jestbee](https://jestbee.tumblr.com/) and [det395](https://det395.tumblr.com/) for stepping in at the very last minute to help me get this written the day before it was due! That was a total team effort pinch hit if I've ever seen one.

Academically, Dan knew that soulmarks were a _thing_. He’d never met or known a person who had a soulmark, though, not even in a Kevin Bacon “six degrees of separation” kind of way. History books were full of stories about soulmarks; generally those had to do with the union of monarchies, with political plots, with what he considered to be whitewashed, western history oriented fairytales meant to cover histories of colonization and genocide. According to scientists, sometime at the turn of the century, the appearance of soulmarks began to wane. By the time Dan turned eighteen they were downright rare. 

As in, so rare Dan secretly thought they were bullshit. 

Dan didn’t believe in souls, much less soulmates. He knew everyone thought he and Phil were soulmates. Even Phil did, although he didn’t say it much. Which was fine. 

The thing was, Dan loved Phil so much he didn’t need the fairytale of fate to justify it. He’d fallen in love with Phil so quickly and so often over the course of their relationship. When he parsed their relationship it was clear that he’d fallen into different kinds of love with Phil over and over and over throughout their decade. He’d first fallen for Phil over Skype the night he’d cried his eyes out over his breakup. The _final_ time he and Erin broke up. The time he knew it would stick. He and Phil had something by then—tension, attraction, a connection. They hadn’t spoken of it yet, but it was obvious. Phil, sweet, caring Phil, had let Dan cry about someone else, someone he used to love. Phil had comforted him, assured Dan he was not a terrible person. He hadn’t shied away or made things weird. 

That night was the first time in his life Dan understood what it meant to live conflicting feelings. He’d loved Erin. There was a part of him that always would. But it was so starkly different from what Phil lit up inside him. When he went to bed he’d curled up under his covers, Bear tucked tight with him, mourning the loss of one thing while also treasuring something brilliant and new. 

Weeks later, high up in the Manchester sky, tucked up next to Phil on the Wheel, Dan had kissed Phil, sure, sure, sure that _this_ was what love felt like. 

Only in December, plastered to Phil in bed after half a week together did Dan understand this: love changed always. Love was moments and movement. Love was looking into Phil’s eyes after the happiest, easiest days of Dan’s life and thinking _I want to keep falling for you, forever_. 

They didn’t say “I love you often”. They showed it. They said it without saying it: _I think I like you_. _I guess I’ll keep you around_. _You’re not so bad, after all_. 

Truthfully, Dan only ever said it when he was having one of those moments, one of those crystal clear, _ohmygod, I’m falling harder_ moments. 

In ten years, Dan had fallen for Phil dozens of times. 

He’d moaned it into Phil’s ear the first time they’d had sex. 

He’d whispered it into Phil’s ear mid panel at Comic Con.

He’d said it through tears the night Phil lay on the floor with him, pinky linked, insisting Dan was the best, the brightest, the most special person in the world. Promising to always believe it for him in the moments when Dan couldn’t. 

He’d said it through failed projects. 

The night of their last Interactive Introverts show, backstage, tucked into a hidden corner, dripping with sweat, sneaking a kiss, he’d pressed the words into Phil’s neck with a relieved, exhausted sigh. 

In Japan, in Osaka, on a rainy day in bed. 

He’d said it over and over the night he told Phil what he was going to include in his coming out video for fuck’s sake. 

In ten years, Dan had fallen for Phil so many times, with such complexity and simplicity, soulmarks seemed utter bullshit. Because if they existed for anyone, surely they’d exist for he and Phil. 

Not that he believed in soulmarks. Or soulmates. At all. 

Yeah. 

—

Ultimately, it happened with no fanfare, no warning, and not even with an _I love you_. 

Dan’s ass hurt, his back was sore, his fingers were cramping and his mouth was fucking _parched_. But he was nearing the end of a raid and Phil was editing his Wish video; he didn’t want to disturb him when he was working hard at something productive. He’d get water later. 

He shifted in his chair, hoping to give his tired body some relief in the change in position, then licked his lips and sighed. His phone lit up and chimed. 

_Phil: ooooot?_

Dan smiled. 

_Dan: eeeeeee_. 

He tossed his phone back onto the desk and refocused. He was so engrossed he didn’t notice when Phil came in. He jumped, jerking away from the desk and narrowly missed rolling over Phil’s toes when a glass of water appeared on the desk in front of him. 

“Fucking, fuck Phil!” 

Phil slid Dan’s headphones down and laughed. 

“Thirsty?” 

“Always,” Dan said, and smirked. 

“Hm.” Phil grinned. He was in pjs, quiff falling in a lovely tousled mess, and when he ran his hands through Dan’s messy hair, Dan leaned into the touch with a sigh. 

“Not much longer, I don’t think,” Dan promised. 

“All right,” Phil said. “I’ll wait up. The kitchen needs cleaning up anyway.” 

“Oh, soz,” Dan said. He’d meant to do it. “I can do it later, I promise.” 

“Don’t fuss,” Phil said. “I promise I’m not bothered. I think I need to do something meaningless. Clear my mind a bit.” 

“You all right?” Dan poked Phil’s thigh. 

“Yeah, of course.” Phil kissed his forehead and turned to leave. Dan caught his hand and frowned. 

“Phil,” Dan said quietly searching Phil’s eyes for any sign of anxiety. 

“It’s all right,” Phil said. “I’m just tired, I promise.”

Dan kissed the back of Phil’s hand. “No kitchen. Go rest. Doctor’s orders.” 

“Dan that was a year ago, after tour.” 

“Nope,” Dan said. “Do not accept. If you won’t take care of my Phil, I’ll just have to do it.” 

Phil smiled and squeezed Dan’s fingers. “Well, then. You’re the boss.” He gave Dan a cheeky wink, his adorable not-a-wink-at-all kind of wink. “I’ll be in bed, resting up.” 

Dan hummed and nipped Phil’s fingers. He was tired and sore and a little sweaty, but moving around a bit sounded heavenly. Doing it with Phil? Yes. He was already sweaty, what was a little more? 

“As soon as I’m done here. But only if you swear you’ll rest right now.” 

“Promise,” Phil said. He kissed Dan’s head and put his earphones back on for him. They were all crooked but it was sweet enough that Dan didn’t fix them until Phil left the room. It was silly, probably, how Dan still worried over Phil, fussing at the first signs of exhaustion, hovering whenever Phil got a headache. He’s always gotten them, he always reminded Dan. He’d rest if he felt as poorly as he had. He was _fine_.

Phil had no idea what it meant, how it had felt to find Phil on the floor in the middle of the night. His phone chimed again.

 _Phil: In bed with my boyfriend_

_Dan: I’m kicking Stephen out when I get there. I don’t care how good the book is_

Phil sent him a string of incomprehensible emojis. 

And then it happened. A sudden searing pain on his inner wrist, a rush of dizzying euphoria and a sharp, insistent tugging in his chest. Dan stood so fast he his earphones went flying. Phil’s cry could be heard all the way from their room. 

“What the _actual_ fuck?” Dan whispered. 

“Dan! Daaaan!” 

Dan didn’t even bother responding; rather he sprinted toward Phil. He would have anyway, but that tugging, that pulling in his chest, insisted he must. A nausea filled him, rising bile only abating when he slammed into Phil on the stairs. 

“Phil, shit,” Dan said, pawing for Phil’s right wrist. 

“Oh, my god,” Phil said faintly. Dan got his arms around him just in time, sank to the ground with him. He didn’t let go, even awkward as it was to hold Phil while on a step below him. 

“How is this even possible?” Dan asked. He put his head on Phil’s lap. Phil’s fingers on his head were electric. Simultaneous urges to faint and to crawl into Phil’s space, to be as close as possible, tangled inside him. 

“I feel—” Phil swallowed, “Oh, this feels so weird.” 

“I don’t feel well,” Dan admitted. “Can we go to bed?” 

“Yeah.” Phil struggled to get Dan upright. Together they worked their way to the bedroom. 

Everything after that was a hazy kind of dream; at least, that’s how it would always seem, when Dan remembered it later. Their bodies, both marked with a burning brilliance, knew what to do. Dan pulled Phil’s clothes off mechanically, then his own. Phil pulled him onto the bed; Dan tucked them under the covers. Their limbs wound together until they were touching, head to toe, foreheads tipped together. They didn’t kiss. Phil pulled the duvet over their heads so that they were isolated, two bodies that were one paired soul set. Other than their shared breath, they lingered in the moment without movement or words. 

Minutes, hours later, Dan whispered. “I didn’t believe it was real.” 

Phil said, “I can’t believe it took so long.” 

Dan pulled back, but it was too dark to see Phil. He touched Phil’s face, traced his lips and his eyebrows. He read Phil’s expression through the pads of his fingers and ten years of stored knowledge, of having seen every expression Phil had ever made. 

“Have you been wanting this, then?” Dan asked. A pang seared through his stomach. It was...longing? 

It was Phil’s longing. 

“Oh, Phil, I’m so sorry.” Dan kissed Phil’s forehead. “Every time I said something stupid about soul mates, or shit on the whole idea—” 

“No, no, don’t Dan.” Phil’s mouth found Dan’s in the dark. It was close, almost stifling under the duvet. Separation was unthinkable though. Something pulled, still, inside Dan. Like he needed more, and more, and more of Phil. “I’d kind of stopped believing it was real ages ago. Wishing for something doesn’t mean believing. Just daydreams, you know. It didn’t matter. It doesn’t anyway.” 

“What? No!” Dan wrapped an arm around Phil and tugged him closer, tighter. “It matters Phil. It matters more than anything, can’t you _feel_ it?” 

“Yes,” Phil said, breathless. Dan loosened his hold; Phil whimpered at the loss. “I meant, you not believing. Inside, I’ve always felt some kind of mark. I don’t need something on my wrist for that.” 

“Well maybe not in theory, but ATM my whole body is telling me differently.” 

“What, because I suddenly wish I could crawl into you?” Dry but sincere, Phil’s words struck a chord. 

“I’d say i want to get under your skin but that makes me sound like a serial killer,” Dan said on a wet laugh. 

“To anyone but me, maybe.”

“Mate,” Dan said, need apparent in his grabbing hands. “I need you to fuck me. Like right now.”

He tipped his head, found Phil’s lips by instinct, meeting them messy and off center and more desperate than he’d ever felt, even when they’d first met, the first time they’d snogged for hours, the first time they’d had sex. The first time they’d kissed after ages apart when he’d been in India. 

Phil rolled him onto his back. The duvet slipped, much needed fresh air spilling over them. Dan gulped in lungfulls, breathing against Phil’s lips between heady kisses. Dan spread his knees to accommodate Phil’s body, and when Phil took his hands in a tight grip next to his head, it was instinct that made him press his wrist up, press his soulmark right against Phil’s. The touch set off a tidal wave of sensation, love and lust and brilliant pain that was pleasure. The story of their life, every moment he’d loved Phil until it hurt, the times he’d almost given up, the sharp edges of anger and frustration, the comfort of touch and sleep and waking and dreaming together flashed through him, through Phil. He bit down on Phil’s lip and came just as Phil did. Came down breathing hard with Phil, and when he felt warmth on his face, realized Phil’s tears were mixing with his own. He didn’t bother to wipe them away. 

“I love you,” Dan whispered against Phil’s neck. “I love you so much I don’t even mind that the universe just fucked with me so hard.” 

“Fucked you so hard you mean,” Phil slurred, already half asleep on top of him. 

“Unless you’ve won a Mr. Universe contest recently, I doubt that was you.” 

“Your mum won Mr. Universe,” Phil said. Dan poked him in the side, hard. 

“You cannot fall asleep on me like this, I can’t breathe you oaf.” 

“Who needs to breathe when they’ve been soul marked after ten years?” Phil slumped off of Dan anyway. Dan turned with him so their bodies didn’t lose contact. 

“I can’t believe that all this time the universe was being such a fuckin’ sneck.” 

“How long d’you think this part lasts?” Phil pushed Dan’s curls off of his forehead and kissed him. 

“Which part? Our relationship? Pretty sure forever mate.” 

“No, spoon, the part where I think I’ll faint if I am not attached to you.” 

“Fuck if I know, I thought the whole soulmark thing was a hoax to make people think political marriages seem valid so we could colonize other countries and decimate indigenous peoples—” 

“Dan,” Phil said with a sigh. “Shut up and cuddle me. This is kind of disgusting but also I somehow still feel like I love you so much I’ll throw up.” 

“Mm,” Dan said. He drew his fingers up the length of Phil’s spine. “Same.”

**Author's Note:**

> Should you feel the urge to reblog [this](https://judearaya.tumblr.com/post/189982055972/fic-the-universe-is-a-snek-phan), I won't stop you :D


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